Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
