Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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