Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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