If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
