Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
