how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Randomize
