i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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