You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
