i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
