I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
