dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
