she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
