Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
