I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
