Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
