His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Success! We fucked roommates!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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