On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
