belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
