Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
