There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
