just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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