she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
