you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
