Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
did i just pee glitter
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
