my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
