I can tuck mytits in my pants
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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