awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he fucked my hip out of place.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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