i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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