she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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