Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
