You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
