throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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