I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
