Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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