the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
