My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
