theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
