sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
