I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
