Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
