I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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