so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
