i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
