I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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