you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
PANTIES FOUND
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