Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

And mexicans. My burrito likes you.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

(1-913): View more from Kansas

You're the best girlfriend ever.

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(848): View more from New Jersey

Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Just took my morning after pill in the library

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(925): View more from California

so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious

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(516): View more from New York

doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

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(732): View more from New Jersey

why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

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(720): View more from Colorado

Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.

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(281): View more from Texas

‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬

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