I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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