I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
