i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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