Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
