big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
