Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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