I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
