i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
