Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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