he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
