ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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