u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
