Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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