My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
