i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
