Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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