i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
