If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
