we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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