Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
