he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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