"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
