see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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