Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My friends, they love my intelligence
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
