you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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