Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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