I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
