here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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