party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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