A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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