the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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