I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
