Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
