I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
