you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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