I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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