Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I checked into jail on foursquare
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
