She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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