I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
