I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
