Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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